Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
