the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
