He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
