I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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