im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
