a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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