she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
