My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
