As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
