I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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