Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
