Sponge bath it is.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
