All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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