I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
