I think my fart just growled at me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
