I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
