do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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