Your face is a jimmy john
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
