You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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