Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
