watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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