Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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