I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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