You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
