Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
