I feel like I'm in dance class right now
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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