Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
