i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
