Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
