Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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