She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
