I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
