drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
