what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
