whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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