girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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