One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
