you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
