I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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