Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
