I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
