google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
