I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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