i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
