im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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