I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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