This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Who wears a wallet chain?!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
