I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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