well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He kissed a someone with a penis
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
