stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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