i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
